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12:13pm 22/08/2011
Jynefir Dyan
I swear... the more weight I drop the more and more attention I get. Went out and partied all weekend long. Got all my drinks bought for me. Hit on by every other person I met. Male or female. lmao. Everyone kept saying how awesome I looked and it was great. lol. I felt like a skanky whore by the time the weekend was over. But getting attention without even trying to isn't a crime right? It was great to see so many old friends and new ones. Hoping to get out of the house a little more often in the near future.
mood: busybusy
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I hold the skeleton key  
10:09pm 11/08/2011
Jynefir Dyan
I'm sure I've mentioned this here at some point before but I don't recall how in depth I went with it. I was thinking yesterday while out on one of my many nightly walks listening to my mp3 player and just all in all zoned out of the world in my own little head. I feel like I hold a skeleton key to people's hearts. Which can be a good thing I suppose but I think that in the long run it's painful for me. I read somewhere a while ago about astrology and my horoscope and the like and something very particular about me that said I am easy for others to fall in love with but that I will have a hard time finding the one love I want. Which is why I feel like I've got a skeleton key. I could open any heart and make them happy and I could be content if I were willing to settle with that person. However... How am I to know if I was just using my skeleton key to get them to be with me or if they truly held the right key to unlock my heart? I would like to think that when you know, you know. Right? But... gosh.. I just don't know.

I break my own heart all too easily. Who need's a man, eh? lol

Oh man.. that's so not funny. C'est la vie.
mood: frustratedfrustrated
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Love is such a strong emotion  
11:24pm 03/08/2011
Jynefir Dyan
and I almost forgot what it felt like.

Not to say that I'm in any particular love at the moment... but I can feel it in the air. I love myself so much more and in turn and letting others love me and its such a wonderfully freeing experience. No matter how scary... Love is all powerful.
mood: lovedloved
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Conversation with an almost 3 year old...  
02:49pm 27/07/2011
Jynefir Dyan
Jett: When I was a mommy...
Me: wait, you were never a mommy!
Jett: Well I'm gonna be.
Me: No honey, mommies are girls.
Jett: When I grow up to be a girl I'll be a mommy. Girls are nice.
Me: *Giggles and runs to go post about it.*
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Good news and bad news...  
11:01pm 29/06/2011
Jynefir Dyan
Today has had some highs and some lows... I'm going to try my hardest to focus on the good things though and so lets start with the bad so I can end on a good note.

Got a phone call from the temp agency saying I was not selected for the job I've been trying to get for months now. This is my 3rd attempt in the last couple years and though I'm not giving up just yet, my chances keep looking slimmer. Hopefully another class will open sometime later this year or early next so I can try again.

My mom said something aweful to me in front of my entire family and my sister laughed about it becuase she thought it was hilarious. I was highly offended but left speechless and just stood there looking like an idiot because I knew if I did open my mouth I'd have just pissed everyone else off even more and furthered outcast myself which I thought from this standpoint already would be pretty hard to do any farther. Just one of those things that's stupid and shouldn't matter but if you know me and my family and how we relate to each other... you just might understand why this is such bad news.

I was too busy to workout this morning becuase I was getting ready to leave the house as soon as possible to go spend time with a friend. Of course being there all day I didnt have time to workout in the afternoon either. Then after I ate dinner I ended up making everyone else's dinner and then Jett was being horrendous so I sent him to bed and cam over here to get some things done online before planning on starting my evening workout. 4 hours later and I'm still on this computer. ughhh. Excuses! It's 11pm though and so I'm just going to bed and tomorrow will be a new and better day.

now thats out of the way...


I stepped on the scale today and saw this...

209!!! That means for Weigh-in Wednesday I'm down a total of 3 lbs from last week. After seeing that I went to my closet and grabbed a pair of size 16 capris and pulled them on confidently! :)

Spent time with a good friend today and his little girl because Jett has been wanting to go see them for awhile and I finally had some free time to do so. It's always great when I get to have adult conversation and catch up on whats going on in the world around me. lol.

and tonight on Listia I won some really awesome converse shoes that I can't wait to get and wear! I talked her into giving me them with free shipping if I bid 500 credits or more and she was totally willing to do that so yay!

Trying to look on the brightside about my biggest dissapointment of the day... not getting that job I so desperately wanted... well, more like needed... at least I no longer am worrying and wondering whether or not I'll still be able to have as much free time to keep going strong and doing as much working out as I have been so far. I know that everything happens for a reason, and it's just not my time for that job. Someone else must have needed it more in their life right now than I do. I will try to take comfort in knowing that I have food and shelter and will keep doing my best to still search for more in my life for me and my son.
mood: weirdweird
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Feelin Frisky...  
09:49pm 16/06/2011
Jynefir Dyan
If you want me to show you how, just come a little closer. If you're scared that's okay. You don't need to be so sure. Just when you think you've got it all figured out, somethings bound to fill you with doubt. But don't be nervous tonight. Just look in my eyes and see that it's alright.
mood: mischievousmischievous
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Do you ever feel like...  
10:31pm 12/06/2011
Jynefir Dyan
like your life is a sitcom and you are at the center of every twisted joke?

Here lately I just can't shake that feeling.

Today started off alright, but as I got home it just kept getting worse. Jett has been a holy terror. My mom's on my case over stupid little things. Plans with friends are falling through and I just feel so overwhelmed with this feeling of self loathing so a lot of unknown reasons.

I want to check out of reality for awhile and just escape being me for a day or three... I wish it was that easy.

My life is going nowhere way to fast and the days just keep running together. Something needs to change. Not just something.. everything. I have the will, just not sure of the way. But pretty soon I'm just going to have to leap forward and hope I don't land in a big steaming pile of shit. I mean what other choices do I have? Life is going to stand still and wait for me to make the perfect decisions.
mood: numbnumb
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My story...  
11:10pm 01/06/2011
Jynefir Dyan
So I just found out that I won 2nd place in a weightloss competition held by my friend, Liz at http://www.liztaylortraining.com
I was asked to share my story and here is what I had to say...

It seems like it wasn't all that long ago that I was just another couch potato who had no idea what she was shoveling in to her mouth out of boredom or stress. That was probably just what I was doing the night I realized it was time for a change. Flipping through the channels on my television, I came across one of MTV's newest shows called I Used to be Fat. I was hooked from that moment on. Seeing this young girl, Gabby, struggling with weight problems most of her life and then finally taking charge of herself and pushing every day to eat healthy and exercise as much as possible was just so inspiring to me. Every little thing she said and did was something I too had felt in my life at some point. Right on down to constantly butting heads with her mother! lol. Seeing how much success she had by the end of the episode I was so pumped! Then right after that I saw Marci's journey and could relate similarly to her in all the same aspects of how hard it is to just say no to eating all the wrong things when they taste so delicious and give you that instant gratification you so desperately desire, especially when you feel neglected in certain parts of your life. These 2 episodes were reruns that I happened to catch on a Friday night while at home having no social life whatsoever and buried in food on my parent's recliner. I immediately went to set the DVR to record all the new episodes after these finished because I knew this is what was going to help me change my life forever. I knew that they had the help of personal trainers and that roughly 100 days or just one summer was not going to be idealistic for me personally, but I thought that if these kids could lose around 90 lbs give or take in just 3 months, I could probably do the same in 1 year's time if I took the time to do the research and put in the hours of sweating it out! I was so excited thinking about it that I was up jumping around doing jumping jacks when I saw them do them on the show and yelling out of pure happiness shouting out "YOU GO GIRL!" or other really dorky things to my tv when I saw them doing well and accomplishing what they set out to do. lol.

That next day I took some before pictures of myself, because I knew that someday I would be able to look back and say hey... I can't believe that used to be me! I still cringe looking at those pictures today, and don't think I look all that much smaller just yet. I do feel a lot smaller though. I can breathe easier and can run around with my toddler who is in to everything these days! I used to get winded just walking up the 4 porch steps to my house. Seriously? Yeah... that was bad. I can do those like nothing now of course, lol. But I notice all the time new things that I can do that I could not for the longest time. Yesterday, I went swimming with some friends of mine and we had to climb a whole lot of hills and stairs to get over to the lake and up to the big slides, etc. They were all a lot skinnier than me but panting and groaning and complaining the whole way up, while on the inside I was jumping for joy and smiling my head off thinking how this time last year I would have been panting and groaning like that, too!

Anyways, I have learned many things over the past 5 months now. It's hard to sum it all up and say this one thing works or that one thing is better than this one thing. In reality, there is no fast track to success. You have to put in the work. You get what you give! You have to eat well and you have to exercise. Doing one or the other may help you a little bit, but doing both is what's going to give you the most results. If you really want to lose the weight and keep it off then you have to commit yourself to making this a lifestyle change. I don't refer to myself as being on a diet simply because I feel like a diet is something that ends. This is not going to end for me. I quit drinking soda, and whenever I lose all the weight I want to lose, I will not just start drinking soda again! Sure I may have one like once in a blue moon because I feel to deny yourself something you crave will only set you up to binge on it later, but I promise you I will not allow myself to become a soda drinker again in my lifetime! And the me from last year is saying WHAT?! lol. She was addicted to Dr Pepper since the time she was 2 years old... My son is 2. I am so glad I've made the decision to start changing things now so that I can learn how to help him make all the right choices from a much younger age than I did. He is a huge part of the reason I am on this journey. The only other important part of how I got to where I am now is that you have to have support. I am a single mom and don't really have a great close relationship with my family and my friends live pretty far away so I am alone a lot on this journey but I do make it a point to get online and talk to like minded individuals like Liz! I also found all the IUTBF kids on facebook and chat with them there. Some even on video chat. They have offered some really wonderful advice and words of encouragement to me. I am on several different forums and groups where I talk about my journey everyday. We share what kind of workouts we are doing or what we are eating, etc. Just how our day is going, good or bad, it helps to talk about it and always keep it on your mind. I think the best part about talking to others about my journey though is when I have the chance to offer up words of encouragement or advice to someone who needs it. It's wonderful getting help from my new fitness friends, but its even more rewards to give back that help. <3

Thank you, Liz, for holding this contest and allowing me to share my story with you all. I'm still in major shock that I placed! lol. Anyone who wants to follow my blog is more than welcome to though. http://a-new-poison.blogspot.com
mood: accomplishedaccomplished
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Wise words from a friend...  
02:49pm 29/05/2011
Jynefir Dyan
If you don't raise your voice, who will listen? If you don't model what is good, who fill follow? If you don't love yourself, who else can? There are plenty of chances to mimic what you see in the world, but take a different route, be everything you wish to see in others. You will become a beacon for those who are lost without their own direction, and give them strength to be themselves.The world needs you, reach out
mood: gratefulgrateful
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Today sucks  
02:47pm 28/05/2011
Jynefir Dyan
I feel shitty.... but then one of my fave songs came on and i felt all better... amazing the powers of music. A good song can make your day all worthwhile. A song can make or break almost any moment...
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